Finding Your Mom Tribe

By Sam Kimura

September 6, 2019

Sam is a mother of 2 beautiful children, RN, sleep coach, lactation counselor and prenatal coach. She has a keen interest in maternal mental health and through her work, hopes to decrease isolation and increase community among mothers.

The importance of community among mothers has been showcased on many social media outlets recently. The pressure on moms since websites like Pinterest and Instagram became popular has increased to unreasonable levels. Mom guilt and the struggle to be a “perfect mom” increases risks for postpartum depression and anxiety, as well as can cause interpersonal relationship difficulties and delayed bonding with baby. Having a good group of friends who can support you and recognize how lonely motherhood can be is a powerful tool in making it through the first few years of your sweet babe’s life. 

What is a mom tribe?

A mom tribe is a newer reference to a group of mothers who share similar values in parenting. Every family has their list of needs that are prioritized according to what is most important to them as a family. I get it, mamas. You do you! Some moms are baby wearers, some believe in free-range parenting. Some parents don’t approve of screen time, others are more liberal with screens. Some moms have baby sleep beside them for a year, others have babies to sleep in their cribs from day one. We all have our own way of doing what works for our family. However, we can also agree that everyone wants to provide a happy, safe and loving environment for their kids. When a mom is making new friends, finding a group of people who subscribe to the same style of parenting as you do make your life so much easier. Why? Because with difference of opinion can bring judgement, and the number one rule of mom tribes is that there is no judgement allowed. 

It is so important to be able to see other mom’s differences and embrace them. This is how we can break down stigmatized barriers among parents and reduce the feeling that we need to be perfect moms. And in your mom tribe it has to be accepted above all else. You have to be able to tell them about your good days, bad days and every day in between. You have to be able to share your struggles with your friends without feeling like you’re being questioned in your parenting. 

Reducing Isolation

Research shows that up to 25% of moms, possibly even more, are experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety. This is a clinical condition that can happen before or after baby is born and most mothers who experience it will say that one of the hallmark symptoms is that they feel alone in their journey. We are not meant to parent alone, and yet modern society often gives us no choice. Our location often plays a huge role in how difficult it is for moms to work together to help each other. Financial barriers might not allow for moms to go to events, parties or mom groups to meet other people. We often feel judged with every decision we make as a mom, so why would we let others in to help us?

How to find your mom tribe

You might be asking, 

“That’s great but how do I find the group of people who get me?” 

and I recommend to moms that they try out a few social gatherings with different purposes to find a group that works for them. 

Start with the opening line 

“Hi! How does your baby sleep?” 

and go from there. Every mom can relate to sleep deprivation. Find common ground and ask lots of questions. The great thing about kids is that you always have something in common with another mom— once you’re a mom you’re all on the same level, so embrace it and the rewards will return to you. If you do run in to a group that isn’t your style, that’s no problem. Let them have each other and know that there is always someone out there that will understand everything you’re going through.  

If you can’t make it out of the house, find an online community! Ask for suggestions of supportive mom groups on social media or start one of your own. You can also join our Mama Coach community where we talk all things motherhood. We don’t need to see people in person to feel a connection. 

Now that you know what a mom tribe is, who would you say is your closest ally in this job? Who will understand your wins? Who will cry with you when you have only slept for an hour because of a teething baby? Find your people, and hang on, mama. You got this!

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